


The Ranking Of Days

by fvnwithgvns



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Blurb, Depression, M/M, Sad, alex projects pt. 187
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 04:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvnwithgvns/pseuds/fvnwithgvns
Summary: Alex has three categories for his days. Good days, normal days, and bad days.





	The Ranking Of Days

Alex has three categories for his days. Good days, normal days, and bad days.

 

On good days, he wakes up early and makes him and Rian breakfast, humming as he flips pancakes and stirs around scrambled eggs. He eats, and leaves the house with a kiss on Rian’s nose and an “I love you.” He goes out and does productive things like laundry and grocery shopping, he writes, he plays guitar, he meets up with Zack and Jack. He smiles throughout the day and doesn’t think about hurting himself or worse. On good days, Rian and Alex make a storybook couple, complete with cuddles and movies and good morning kisses and sex that makes Alex scream Rian’s name loud enough to wake the neighbors. 

 

But then, good days are rare. 

 

Normal days are far more common. On normal days Alex makes breakfast, but it’s usually just toast because he can’t be bothered. He picks at his, squeezing the butter off it and leaving the crusts. He leaves without a kiss to do errands, usually forgetting half of what he needs to do. He texts Zack and Jack, but he fakes most of his dramatic responses to their stories. He thinks about doing bad things, but honestly he’s just too numb to do them. The sex is the worst part because neither of their hearts are in it, Alex just wants to make Rian happy and Rian still has a lurking thought that he can somehow fuck the sadness out of Alex. It’s quiet, eerily quiet, both of them simply chasing their highs so they can be done. 

 

What’s becoming steadily more common is bad days.

 

On bad days Alex can barely get out of bed. He’ll make Rian a cup of coffee and pray he’ll still be loved after being such a burden. He won’t eat anything himself, going back to bed after seeing Rian’s had his breakfast. He doesn’t shower or shave or even brush his teeth on most bad days. That’s the reality of depression. It’s not beautifully tragic. It’s disgusting.  _ He’s  _ disgusting. They don’t talk except when Rian asks if he can do anything and Alex shakes his head and buries it in his pillow so Rian can’t see him crying. On bad days Rian finds a packet of burnt matches in the trash and knows they’ve done their work adding to the small, circular wounds on Alex’s thighs. On bad days, Rian locks the medicine cabinet and won’t leave Alex in the house alone. 

 

Bad days are coming far too often.


End file.
